There can never be enough.  Never enough.  I can't fight this feeling anymore that there has to be more, more for me, more for me and more for my family and more than what we have right now.  No it can't be all, it can't be all there is, all there is is silence and, and no I refuse to believe that all there is is this emptiness at the end of the day.  Where are the dreams that once fluttered through our minds and where is the childlike faith that anything was possible and the world is our oyster.  Where is the hope?  What happened?  What happened to me?

(https://sarahmarieh.wordpress.com/2014/03/17/sunday-struggles-the-ups-and-downs-of-sunday-night-tv/)

Why do we focus on ourselves until the moment that we snap?  Where do these kinds of feelings of ineptitude and lack of satisfaction come from?  I know that personally, I battle these kinds of feelings on a weekly basis, and until the point that I become too busy to think about it.  I almost feel like as a woman, we always battle these feelings that make us think that our life is not full because we are not busy, or maybe that's just how I see it.  If I am alone with my thoughts for too long, I find that it is a really dark place and that the further I go, the unhappier I become.  And then on top of that, there is this social pressure to be in a relationship or be pursuing a relationship.  Why?  Why on Earth is it that important to constantly be attached to a partner?  I can't be independent and find comfort in friendships?  I know that it is something special when two people find comfort in one another and the relationship blossoms over time, but I haven't found that yet, and to tell you the truth, I'm not really looking...  I'm 19 not 30!  I don't need a man, I would like one, but at this point in my life, i don't need a relationship to keep me together, I would hope that I could do that myself, but then there are days when you wonder, "Would a relationship make me happier?"  NO!  I remind myself; if you are unhappy, a relationship will not make you happier, if anything it will drag you both down! Sure, finding a guy that thinks I'm funny and will go on adventures with me would be wonderful, and I know he's out there, but I need to focus on me before I look for him, and I really believe he should be searching for me. Happiness comes from within, and a lot of times, it is a problem that needs to be handled alone, in order to become stronger.

Sorry for the late night ramble but I had to get it off my chest.

You don't know what sorry is

There is no better way to say this so I am just going to say it like this: I'm sorry.  I am truly, overwhelmingly sorry about how things went.  I can't describe the pool of shame and regret that fills me at this moment.  I am sorry.  I am sorry for how we were, I am sorry for how we are.  I am sorry for the moments that we left speechless and the moments that we should have.  I am sorry.  I am drowning in the words, I cannot even explain.  I am sorry I love you, and I am even more sorry that I hate you, but at this point, the word, "sorry" doesn't even mean anything other than one (and a half) vowels and three consonants.  See, that is the point, directly hit on the nail: it is just a word.  Saying, "sorry" doesn't hold any value to me, it does not mean that things will change or that they have already, it does not mean that time will go back and I will pretend that everything is ok.  The word is nothing but an empty shell, decorated with tears and exaggerated sentiments.  To me, being "sorry" follows with actions that ask for forgiveness and work toward salvaging a relationship.  Please, the next time you say sorry, have more respect for that person to follow through with it.

Mystery sodaperson

Coming back from shopping with my roommate, Maddie, we came across the strangest thing: two (almost) full liters of soda sitting in a Safeway bag outside our door. 

Whoever you are, mystery soda-giver, I just have one question: did you put anything in the diet Pepsi?