Accepting reality

I find my mind racing at 100 miles an hour at 1 in the morning.  I look out my window and see the city lights of Tempe, where I have willingly chose to live.  This place where I'm in, I am one of many, but find myself feeling like one of a kind.  I see the girls in there high wasted shorts and boutique blouses, and the boys who coast on long boards, but when I see my reflection in the windows as I pass by, I see nothing.  I don't know who I am, I don't have a clue where I'll be in five years and I think that's ok.  If I were to drop off the face of the earth tomoro and return from the underground that is know as the real world, I would not know these people.  I would know hardship and pain, but also realize that living in bliss is only damaging my strength and passion.  There is only one me, and only one you, so why should we try to be a part of the crowd, where inevitably we lose ourselves.  I want to be me, and I want to do it freely and without censors.  I do not want to compromise my beliefs, I will struggle, and I will fall but I will find myself in places I would never have chosen to venture if not for the detours.  I refuse to fall victim to my own short comings, but fall victim to the hearts of those open to me.  I will cry, I will fail and I will lose hope at times.  But finding my way out of the dark and dreary days will only be more satisfying than days of bliss.  I am not meant to live a happy life.  I am meant to try and fail, to overcome and to learn.  Happiness is not the result of success, it is the distraction that gets us through the day.  

The truth about freshman year ~ Part 1

There are many fears that incoming college freshman have as they embark onto their new journey to an unfamiliar place with more strangers than friends.  It can be overwhelming at first, but starting at a place where no one knows your name, or what social group you were a part of in high school, can be a relief. As an incoming college freshman I have a couple questions of my own.  In order to expose the truth behind many of the lingering questions and fears that myself and thousands of other freshman have, I gathered some answers from a couple of reliable sources at my disposal.  

My first interview was with Silvia, a theatre major at the University of Arizona.  Silvia was originally from Portland, Oregon, and in the turn of events, wound up in Tucson Arizona.   

"I moved my senior year of high school, which was a bitch *haha*, and then I wound up going to the U of A, despite all my efforts to get out of Arizona, but then I ended up loving it."  

Silvia had a year of cushioning, she made the transition of being uprooted from her comfort of her hometown a year before she would have to make the transition again in college.  At first, she experienced "a complete culture shock", trying to adapt to Tucson's climate and change of pace from Oregon.  She was prematurely thrown into the same situation she would later face when she became a freshman at the University.  Many students think that going to school in a different state is the answer to finding yourself, or completely cutting ties with the past.  Silvia explained to me that moving to a new city can be really hard, 

"You go through a period of depression for the first 6 months, and you can't really make an honest judgment until a year after you have lived there".  

To anyone reading this article who is venturing into the unknown and going out of state to school, you have to understand that it is completely normal to go through depression, and feeling out of place.  Give yourself some time before you condemn your new home, because you will find the light at the end of the tunnel, you will find friends who you fit in with and the culture will grow on you.  Just remember to have an open mind, and to keep a positive outlook.  If you are not going out of state, and you are worried that you aren't getting far enough away from home, don't get too hung up on it.   The only thing that can hold you back from finding yourself and moving on from the past, is you.  This is a fresh start, even if you are starting over in the same city you grew up in, don't use that as an excuse to hold you back from meeting new people and letting yourself try new things.    

One of her biggest pieces of advice is, 

"Make sure you communicate with your roommate".   

Communication is one of the most important traits to have in your relationship with your roommate, it instills a sense of trust and understanding, and this made Silvia's experience her freshman year an easier transition.  Silvia also accredited her successful experience to the fact that her roommate and her had conflicting schedules.

"The reason that we got along so well was because we had opposite schedules.  We were never really in the room at the same time so it felt like, more or less, you lived alone.  When you live with someone you get on each others' nerves..."   

It is very important to have space in your relationship with your roommate because you are already living is such close quarters.  Time apart from one another gives room to breathe.  It is also very important that if you and your roommate are not exactly best friends, to still be civil with one another.  It is definitely crucial to set up boundaries with your roommate on what you are comfortable with.  For example, I am completely uncomfortable with the thought of my future roommate bringing back guys to our room.  It is one thing if I am not there, but if there are guys sleeping over on weeknights, all hell will break loose!  (If you are reading this future dorm roommate, you have been warned!)  

A lot of freshman worry about "The Freshman Fifteen", well guess what... it's real, and inescapable.  This can not be pin pointed toward being lazy, or all the drinking that happens within the first couple months.  This is more commonly caused by the desire to socialize.  Eating out is a great way to hang out with friends and gaining weight is a group activity.  It is nothing to be ashamed of, but definitely be aware.  If you are very concerned with your body staying in shape, there are ways to trim the freshman fifteen to the freshman three or four.  

"There are healthy alternatives..."

A lot of schools offer meal plans that make it very difficult for the student to eat healthy.  Most student unions are made up of pizzerias and fast food vendors, leaving their consumers feeling groggy and gross afterwards.  It is a struggle to eat healthy, but after talking to Silvia, she explained that there are other options that, although inconvenient, are available.  The best example of a healthier alternative is buying groceries so you can cook in the public kitchens.  This may take more time and be more expensive than using your meal card, but it makes a difference in how your body feels after eating. 

A lot of incoming freshman are wondering, "Is it a good idea to have a job freshman year?  Is it too overwhelming?"  Having a job can be very beneficial, simply for the most obvious reasons: 1.) You will have extra spending money and 2.) You will learn the value of money.  Silvia recommends having a job to "Keep you more facile, it gets you more down to Earth...  It helps to give you the money to use for going out and hanging out with friends."  Having a job does not have to interfere with school work.  It is very easy to coordinate your schedule with your employer if you are honest from the beginning on how many shifts you can take on.  Don't overload your schedule with 4 shifts a week or else school has lost its slot as the main priority in your life.  It is a lot better manage 1-2 shifts a week, giving yourself time to socialize and keep up on your studies.  

Do you still have questions about freshman year?  Part two is on its way, touching the subjects such as dating in college, what kind of work load to expect, and hearing a guys point of view on these subjects.  

Rainy days

The only time Tucson really gets good rainfall is 3 weeks out of the year in July.  During these three weeks, the weather can falter between sunny and clear skies, to downpour that lasts off and on for hours at a time.  For a desert rat such as myself, this kind of habitual adjustment is very difficult.  In fact, if I can, I will avoid driving in the rain at all costs.  Despite the fact that I don't like being in the rain, rainy nights are the most beautiful moments, just listening to the drops on the roof and holding a warm cup of cocoa while watching the lightning flash across the sky.

Cruisin'

There is one way that my family chooses to vacation, and by vacation, I am defining the word-
Vacation: verb; to relax, and get away from the usual routine of daily life in typically an exotic destination (however type of destination is optional).
Now that technicalities are out of the way, my family chooses cruising as a way of vacationing.  This is for several reasons:
1.)  You can always be in a room that is air conditioned and never have to go outside (unless you choose to).
2.) There is a buffet for breakfast, brunch, lunch, and dinner.
3.) 3 course meals of 4 star dining (complimentary-already paid for).
4.) Trivia in the lounge
5.) Movies playing on the deck.
6.) Towel animals that wait for you on your bed until you arrive after dinner
7.) Napping (best sleep happens with the slight rocking of the boat against the waves).
8.) 24 hour ice cream and frozen yogurt.
9.) There is a gym, convenient if you don't want to come back from vacation with a stowaway in you clothes (10-15 pounds gained in a week).
10.) The people- there is never a sober soul on the ship over the age of 18, and no I do know the drinking age is 21;).  What good is a vacation surrounded by stuffy old farts, people go on a cruise to let loose with a drink in both hands and living out the fantasy of having a life at sea.  Well you know, while being pampered with the spa and everything else.  Room service is amazing as well...
If these ten reasons to choose cruising as your next vacation don't convince you, maybe you should rethink your definition of vacation.

new novel excerpt

Introduction
**************
The voices around me were carried away by the wind; silence replacing them.  I looked around the room at strangers, all of whom wore blank stares across their faces.  My heavy breathing seemed to keep a steady rhythm, holding the only sanity I had left in the knowledge that at least I could control my breathing.  In, out, inhale and exhale, yep I was in control.  Everything else was taken away from me though; I was strapped to a platform that held both of my wrists down in a fastened belt, my thighs and torso were strapped down by the same kind of material, but had a strange twist, they would give an electric shock to any sudden movement that escaped my body.  I was helpless, there was no way I could get out of here by myself, but there was nothing to return to anyhow.  All my family, my mother, father, and daughter had all been murdered.  My baby girl, Carrie, never had a chance in this world, she never got to take her first steps, say her first word, all because I couldn't protect her.  I could feel the aching in my left temple return, and the sobs in the back of my throat were contracting again.


Chapter 1
The air always feels thinner on the top of a mountain.  As I walk across the rickety bridge, the urge to look down consumes me; my eyes flicker and the rushing water under my feet stares back at me.  If I were to drop from this height, I would not die on impact, but the current would surely drown me.  I can't hesitate, I need to cross and as steadily as possible.  There is nothing else in this world that calms me the way that hiking does.  When I am on the trail, I am alone, and I am at peace, separated from anything that distracts me from my free thoughts.  I look forward to the journey ahead, a little risk here and there and ultimately, the serenity that fills me when I can look back at the progress I made, the hours that led to my destination.  It isn't that I hate being around people, quite the opposite, but being in my own place, where I can let myself wonder, mentally and physically, is something I would not trade for the world.  It is something that keeps me sane, to step away from the world and discover myself, the different parts that are shadowed by bills, and work and everything else that makes up everyday life.  As I inch closer to the safety of the end of the bridge, a weight lifts off of my chest, and I can breathe again.  I feel the shuffle of the dirt under my sneakers, and push off the bridge with the feeling that I conquered yet another fear, and am moving on with my life.

***************
The rest of the hike was uneventful, the sky transformed before my eyes, and the wind carried all noise away from me to other horizons.  I finished the trail with the satisfaction that always reaches me at the end, giving me motivation to come back next time, trying another path.  I find the parking lot and edge into my car, feeling the blazing heat emitting from the leather seats.  I begin driving down the street when it finally catches my attention; a bright pink sticky note is hanging from the dashboard.  I grab the note, feeling a sudden pang in my chest, realizing that someone had broken into my car.  The sticky note is blank, I don't understand why someone would just leave this here.  I flip the note over and I see a silhouette of a bird sketched on it, the bird was holding something in it's beak, maybe a scroll, I couldn't make out the faded object.  I ran my fingers over the sketch absentmindedly, tracing the carefully traced outline.  Then, it hit me.  I realized what was off about the sketch, it wasn't a sketch at all, it was a stamp, and not just any stamp, it looked like some sort of family crest.

The car ride home was almost a dream, everything was a blur and I could barely remember how I got home.  All my mind could focus on was that little pink note.  Why would someone break into my car, leave everything, and leave me this blurred picture.  It had to be some kind of prank, did I remember to lock the car when I started my hike?  Yes of course I did, but how did they get in, without setting the alarm off?  I certainly am not educated on the science of lock picking or car jacking, but I feel like there should be some evidence of damage.  What was even the point of leaving a note, was it to freak me out so I would be paranoid all day, because it was working.  When I finally pulled into the driveway, I was so distracted that I didn't even notice the front door was wide open until I walked up the porch steps and heard an earsplitting chirping noise.

A thousand splendid suns

This book changed my views on the Middle East and how women are treated.  Before I read this book, I had an idea of what life was like in middle east, but I did not have any sympathy for the people there.  Reading this novel about a two women who endure the oppression during the Taliban Regime opened my eyes to the true brutality that their society entailed.  Sharia law completely dehumanized these women and it is despicable how the women are not protected by the law from domestic violence.

Canvas project