Crumble

All I want to do is find myself.  I don't want to speak in cryptic code anymore, I want to be honest to who I am.  All I do everyday is plan for tomoro; I do my homework so I keep up with the class, I plan my schedule in advance.  I want spontaneity; I want love and excitement.  I want to dream and explore the depths of what is out there, I want to discover and go invent, to be creative.  But I am scared and hold myself back because I can't imagine a life that is outside the lines, a life that doesn't have guarantees of what tomoro will bring.  I feel like sometimes I am hiding behind a wall that I built myself, that would protect me and contain me from ever getting hurt.  Sometimes you want to hurt, sometimes that is the only thing that lets you know for sure that you are alive.  Sometimes to gain happiness, you have to lose something, and maybe that something is my wall.