Thursday, October 30, 2014

Take the good with the bad


I want to talk about rejection.  There are a lot of people in this world that are ruled by their fear of being rejected, and rightfully so.  However, there are a lot of things that could be worse.  We are, by nature, drawn to others, wanting to be special to someone we find special.  It isn't a crime to find yourself obsessing over a person who you feel a connection to.  The worst part is thinking about that person, on end, every day and not even consciously, it's like they have infiltrated your subconscious and have planted a virus that takes over your hard drive.  The time spent on this person feels like years in a matter of days and this crazy feeling you get that makes you want to bring their name up at any opportunity, ya it sucks.  The giddiness, the gross happy feeling that flutters in your stomach when you see them in person, and you can't help but wonder, do they think about you as much as you think about them?  Of course they don't, but you want to think they do.  We have all been there, we have all hurt from people we trusted, from people we thought we could maybe one day bring home to the family, maybe see a future not to far into the distance.  But it isn't this person that you really are obsessing over, it is your obsession with being with A person.  The idea of having someone to hold you at night, to brush the tears from your cheeks, to tell you that this world doesn't see how beautiful you are, but I do.  It's this dream that ruins relationships because relationships aren't this easy, they are messy and fluctuate at the flip of a switch.  If you can find someone who makes you feel loved, and who sees you for what the world doesn't, honey hang on to them with all your might.  But the real topic is rejection.  There is nothing you can do about rejection, it happens without your consent and often disregarding who you are in general.  The only thing that you can control is yourself, and you are a person who can decide how to handle rejection.  There are two options: 1.) you can obsess, then ultimately blame yourself and hate the other person for making you feel this way or 2.) you can accept that the world is an imperfect place and sometimes you get hurt, but you will survive heartbreak, you will carry on and you will be a stronger and better person because of it.  Feeling strongly for a person and acting on it, that takes courage.  To put yourself out there in a situation that you could potentially be hurt is noble, you believe in something, something that was worth hurting for.  Often times, rejection pushes us into a shell that makes us feel alone and inadequate, but we are not alone and we are not inadequate, we are people searching for something to love that is greater than ourselves.  Who wants to live in a world with billions of people but find themselves only loving one?  Love and be loved, and never look back because the future is the only thing worth striving for.  

Monday, October 20, 2014

Wake up to write

The little things in life keep us going.  I find that sometimes, we lose track of where we are going, of what we are looking for, and of why we are pursuing this path.  I am eighteen years old, too young to make life altering decisions but too old to have decisions made for me.  This is the age for making mistakes and taking risks, risks that I will be too afraid to take when I'm older and never imagined taking a few months ago.  This first semester has taught me a lot about who I am, and who I want to be.    I find that the things that make me happy are the smallest tokens that the day brings me; finding a good song on Spotify, a smile from a stranger, the warmth that hides under my covers and the dreams that wait for me on my pillow.  Most of all, I appreciate the days that are different, the ones that stand out from the days that bleed together and the laughs that fall short and the assignments that take all night and the people whose names and faces blur into one.  A day that stands out, a day that is new and mine for the taking.  Today is all we have, and I am going to cherish every moment.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Little lies

To be in the world is to lie.  To lie about your mistakes and cover up your tracks.  To lie to your loved ones out of pride and fear.  To excuse your lies with lies to yourself-- they don't need to know, it's your responsibility, they'll never find out.  But to know Jesus is to be forgiven.  To know Jesus is to be honest and leave it all to him.  Don't be afraid, I am here.  To not fear is to have faith and those with little faith lie because the truth is deafening.