Accepting reality

I find my mind racing at 100 miles an hour at 1 in the morning.  I look out my window and see the city lights of Tempe, where I have willingly chose to live.  This place where I'm in, I am one of many, but find myself feeling like one of a kind.  I see the girls in there high wasted shorts and boutique blouses, and the boys who coast on long boards, but when I see my reflection in the windows as I pass by, I see nothing.  I don't know who I am, I don't have a clue where I'll be in five years and I think that's ok.  If I were to drop off the face of the earth tomoro and return from the underground that is know as the real world, I would not know these people.  I would know hardship and pain, but also realize that living in bliss is only damaging my strength and passion.  There is only one me, and only one you, so why should we try to be a part of the crowd, where inevitably we lose ourselves.  I want to be me, and I want to do it freely and without censors.  I do not want to compromise my beliefs, I will struggle, and I will fall but I will find myself in places I would never have chosen to venture if not for the detours.  I refuse to fall victim to my own short comings, but fall victim to the hearts of those open to me.  I will cry, I will fail and I will lose hope at times.  But finding my way out of the dark and dreary days will only be more satisfying than days of bliss.  I am not meant to live a happy life.  I am meant to try and fail, to overcome and to learn.  Happiness is not the result of success, it is the distraction that gets us through the day.